I think I am officially “an angry person”. I was an angry teenager, that’s for sure, but it’s not a way I would have described myself over the last 10 years. Usually. But for whatever reason, that’s what I am now. I feel genuinely angry at everything, and everyone. I find myself fucking with people and just caring less and less about pretty much everything. It’s a destructive path for sure. Probably self-destructive more than anything. My self-esteem is approaching an all-time low, as is my motivation to help change that. My future is looking pretty dim, thanks to the toxic combination of The Art Institute, University of the Arts, and being poor. But hey, maybe I should just blame myself right? I don’t feel like it’s my fault, but who knows, it probably is. But really… I have this really frightening, overwhelming feeling that is starting to grow inside me. It’s hard to explain. It feels like the only solution to my problems is to squeeze my own head as hard as I can until it explodes with the force of ten atomic bombs. It’s the ultimate helpless frustration. It’s more serious than anyone reading this bullshit will ever understand. I feel like everyone is against me somehow, and they probably are, and it’s probably because I made it happen. I’m rambling, fuck it. Y’know… the suburbs did this. I fucking know it.
And yeah, DDC lost the second round of that World Cafe Live thing. Dave also made quick work of selling out the band at the first sight of conflict involving his new girlfriend of 2 days. Whatever.