Tag Archives: holiday

woe is me post #796

church

Sometimes I start to write a post days, or even weeks before it gets published to the site. Sometimes I’ll just type in a title for the post as a quick note to myself, reminding me what I wanted the post to be about. If it’s any indication as to what’s been on my mind, the draft title for this post has been “crushing loneliness bullshit”.

Anyway, I don’t think I’ve adjusted to this new stage of my life. This post-relationship, post-family stage. I’m just not over it. I constantly feel lonely, guilty, and just all types of salty. I suppose the holiday season has worked to exaggerate these feelings. Darwin won’t be sleeping over with me on Christmas Eve, we won’t be waking up together on Christmas morning, and I have no Christmas tree to put his gifts under. Sure, I’ll get to see him that day, but it’s ruined. It’s just ruined. It isn’t the way it should be, and it really hurts. I imagine I’ll spend most of the day alone, playing my imaginary PS3 (that I’ve actually been considering trying to steal from a store), and I’ll probably have Christmas dinner by myself at a Chinese restaurant or huddled up with a Wawa grilled chicken sandwich as I wait for this fucked up year to end.

I feel pulled in so many directions. There’s pressure to do the right thing, when I have absolutely no clue what the right thing is. I thought I did the right thing already, so why doesn’t it feel better? Why don’t I feel satisfied or relieved as if a huge weight had been lifted? This sucks.

Focus Pocus

I’ve been a father for just over 4 months now. Darwin has been rolling around, playing with toys, and making a ton of noise, which totally cracks me up. The more time I spend with him, the more amazed I become at the weight of my whole situation. Thanksgiving was another reminder, since it wasContinue Reading

Thanksgiving

Someone must have spiked my drink, because I don’t know why the hell I found (and still find) this so funny. My Thanksgiving went just fine. The little guy was the center of attention of course, sharing the stage only with a chicken who had an orange stuffed up its butt.

downtime

I haven’t posted lately, and I think the main reason is simply to avoid being redundant. If I wanted to be completely honest and accurate on here, I would log in every day and say “Everything sucks, I hate my life, and I wish I would die in my sleep”. But when I look backContinue Reading

My Christmas and a prediction.

I had a rough day or two leading up to Christmas, but by the time Christmas Eve got going, I was feeling a bit better. Christmas day was pretty uneventful, but good. The first stop of the day was at Rosa’s parents house. After that I had dinner back in Woodlyn, and then watched theContinue Reading