A few weeks ago, I was at the playground with Darwin, pushing him on a swing. He was smiling, giggling occasionally. We were having a nice relaxing day together. For whatever reason, it dawned on me that such a thing had never been shared between my father and I. I get really emotional when I slow down and notice all of the little things that he and I do together. Like holding hands and walking, carrying him on my shoulders, playing with a ball, feeding him lunch, listening to music together, laying him down to sleep, kissing him, and just about everything.
Just the other day, while at another little playground with him, I was going over some DDC lyrics in my mind to try to memorize them since we’re now gearing up to perform live. This was the weirdest thing… just a moment after playing back a line that says “and if you should ever fall, you know I’m right behind you”, Darwin fell. Mind you, this is a song written about him. He was climbing some relatively big stairs to get up to a slide, and slipped or took a wrong step. In a split second, he fell backwards and twisted slightly toward the edge of the stairs, essentially aiming him off the side, and down to what would surely have been an ugly incident. But, I was right behind him. I caught him and propped him right back up and he was none the wiser. He went right back to business and went down the slide, smiling all the way. Something my father never did for me.
As these months fly by, I find myself thinking about it more and more. Just watching us in slow motion and trying to enjoy it all while I can. Even on the rough days when he’s being extra difficult, I lay down at night, and he is on my mind. I see that funny face, and hear his silly babbles. I miss him when he’s not with me. He’s inspired artwork, songs, been the subject of an unreasonable amount of photos and videos, and this is just the first 22 months! It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced.
Despite the fact that 99.9999% of my life is one one big regrettable disaster, I can honestly say that I know what true love feels like.