Long time no post. I could find at least a couple of reasons as to why this site has been dormant for so long, but there’s one main one. Basically, it was ruined for me. Someone in a position of power used this site and my expressions on it as ammo against me, in an extremely calculated way. This thing was always my journal, in a pretty traditional sense, but I didn’t mind that it was on the internet. It was convenient and played into my interests in general web technologies, not to mention the fact that I can barely understand my own fucked up handwriting, so a physical notebook of some kind is pretty much out of the question. So, the site is still here. I may or may not use it, and it may or may not be accessible to others at various times.
Moving on. It’s been a year and two days since my last post, and much of this past year has been about just that; moving on. This Christmas didn’t resemble last Christmas at all. Not inside or outside. I woke up in the same old house where I’ve woken up most Christmas mornings, but this time I woke up to the sound of my son. He woke up early and it was still pretty dark, so he just came and cuddled in bed with me for a bit. After a while we made our way over to the Christmas tree… yeah, I had a fucking Christmas tree! We sat together and opened his presents and played with toys. Eventually he went off with his mother, and I spent the rest of the day with people that seemed to genuinely welcome and appreciate my presence. It was a nice day.
Don’t get me wrong, life hasn’t turned all peaches and cream in the last year. I’m still a fucking disaster sometimes, struggling to make ends meet and all that. But I do feel like maybe I’m less of a disaster than I was last year. As negative and cynical as I can be at times, I’m also feeling a bit more optimistic. I feel like there is at least some chance of genuine good happening in my life. I’ve spent lots of time working with my letterpresses, of which I now have 3. Working with Kate, we’ve done a bunch of craft shows as well as taken on several freelance gigs, which have been slowly coming more regularly. I’m hoping that continues. I don’t ever expect to buy a fancy car or house with letterpress money, but I sure would love to be able to count on it to pay some bills and buy my kid some pizza.
I have plenty of fight left in front of me right now, so I’ll keep my fists clenched. But I know who I can count on. Onwards And Upwards, right?
