further decline

I was offered three hours of work at the studio in East Falls. I accepted it, because I like making music and helping the kids make their music, but most of all because I need money. For months now, I’ve known that the car I drive has an extremely limited range. Meaning, if I go too far the car will overheat, stall, and fuck up in all kinds of ways, leaving me stranded. I tried to find a ride to work, without success. So I made the decision to take the car to work. Like all decisions that I make, it worked out wonderfully for me.

The car started to run hot on the way up there, but I made it without any issues. The ride home however, was a different story. By some miracle I actually made it onto 476 before the car stalled, but before the night was over it stalled 4 or 5 separate times, leaving me on the side of the highway. The last time was right near the MacDade Blvd. off-ramp. I sat there for a couple of hours, freezing, texting a few people, and being ignored by most of them. In the end my friend Kira picked me up. She was working, delivering pizzas in the area and stopped by to get me. I stuffed Darwins stroller and car seat in her back seat and left the fucking car behind. I assume it’s dead for good, but even if they get it and squeeze some extra life out of it, I can’t trust it to get me where I need to go, and I sure as hell can’t use it to drive Darwin around, especially since it’s cold outside now.

Of course, the loss of the car and the fucked up night are merely one tiny straw on the camel’s back. Actually, fuck the camel, it’s on my back. So many things go wrong, so often, I’m really feeling like I can’t deal with it anymore. What does that mean exactly? No idea. But it needs to stop, and I totally don’t care how. I really don’t.

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