Sometimes I feel bad, or guilty or something when I have a thought like “everything sucks”. I feel bad because I wonder if I should be having thoughts like that when I have Darwin in my life. When I say/think “everything sucks”, I obviously don’t mean Darwin. He’s awesome, and I love him so so so much. It’s just about everything else that sucks. What sucks at the moment? Well here’s just a few things at the top of the list:
• I am in massive debt. I got a call late last week from a lawyer representing Key Bank. I’m going to be prosecuted for student loans that I took out while earning my Bachelors degree. To get them off my back, I need to cough up a shit load of money right now. I don’t have it. I don’t have anything close to the amount they need, and I’m basically fucked. Not to mention the fact that this is but one of the who-knows-how-many loans I took out to get through college.
• Speaking of college, I can’t help but still feel constantly burned by the whole AIPH/UArts situation that has effectively ruined my life. I was really planning on completing all of that to get me on track in the direction that I had chosen for myself, and when it all got derailed, so did my future.
• I feel constant pain. My back, my left knee, and occasionally my right foot all have some kind of issues, and I spend almost all of my time feeling some level of very noticeable pain. My back is the worst of it for sure. Some days it hurts so bad that I can barely walk, and just picking up my son to hug him can be an excruciating experience.
• I don’t do anything. Seriously. I barely get to work on music, I have no time or space to work on any printmaking, and I really don’t even get to just go hang out with any friends. Not that that theres many people begging to see this face, but still. Some free time to go fuck around would be nice, even if it was by myself. Buy the time I get out of work and whatever fucked up appointments I have, it’s time to do some baby-related task and go to sleep on my fuckin’ couch.
Whatever. I could go on about how I need a car and how I’m in horrible shape, and blah blah blah, but I won’t. So yeah, everything sucks.