What a fucking nightmare. I just had the most retarded, loud, fucked up fight in recent memory. It’s the fight you have when every single other fight on Earth has already been had at least 12 times already, and you just need one more. I feel betrayed. I feel helpless, and I feel completely fucking doomed all around.

What could be the cause of this major disaster, you ask? Well, I’ll tell you this much; it was because of a comment posted on this site. If you’re bored and interested, go read the comments that people have posted. See if there is even ONE fucking comment anywhere that should ever cause any difficulty in my adult life. In my opinion, you shouldn’t find one.

Honestly, there’s no solution. I’m left with some serious aftermath to deal with, and none of my options are great. A year ago, this would have been much easier.

In the meantime, I need to find a way to password protect this entire site. When you first come to it, you would need to enter a login and password, but after that you should be automatically logged in. I’m not sure if WordPress offers that, but I’m looking into it. It will probably cut down on who views the site, both out of laziness and peoples desire to remain anonymous, but I feel like I have to. I hate that I feel that way, but I do.

Truly, my life sucks. Change is imminent. I hope.

Yooooo! How friggin’ ultra-dirty does it sound when Michael Jackson sings “I’ll be the freak you can taunt” in Dirty Diana?! Shit man. I think if I was gay or some kind of weirdo it would make me wanna have sex with Michael Jackson. Ha!

And it’s also pretty damn cool that Steve Stevens is the guitar player.

I’ve been a Father for six months now. To say it’s been a life-altering experience would probably be an understatement, although most of the changes don’t show themselves as outwardly as I thought they might. I still get to goof off a good bit, I still get Playboy in the mail, I still make music and play shows. It certainly has placed new limits and pressure on my life, but I suppose that is to be expected. It’s also created a great deal of new stress in my relationship with my woman. We’re already a fragile work in progress, and well, it’s been hard.

I’m still amazed by Darwin every day. I remember the way I worried incessantly while he was in the womb. I would think of every possible thing that could go wrong, and how it would crush me. In my mind it seemed as though the chances of him actually being born perfectly healthy were so slim. There was no real reason to think that of course, since the pregnancy was pretty trouble-free (physically at least). Seeing him now, as such a robust little dude is a joy. I love watching him play with his toys, rolling around on the floor, and trying to pull parts off of anyones face who holds him within his arms reach. He’s been sick a few times which sucks, but generally speaking, he seems like a pretty happy kid.

I’m really looking forward to Summer. He’ll be running around and having all kinds of fun with me all the time. The park, the city, the sandbox, DDC recording sessions. He’s going to discover grass, his shadow, 80’s metal, and how to take a fall. It’s going to be awesome.

That is totally the song of the day. And, probably the song of the week.

I love drugs! Don’t get me wrong, I’ve never used any, and I don’t ever plan on it. But man, drugs make for the best stories. So many of my favorite books and songs are completely built around drugs, having crazy sex, and dying or killing yourself. The whole idea of someone just being lost at the bottom of this impossible dark trap just totally fascinates me. If I weren’t Straight Edge I would go get totally ripped on heroin right now and write a new album. Maybe.

I just went over to cnn.com as I usually do a couple times each day, just to see what super-important headlines are gripping the nation today. Instead of reading that the government has implemented free universal health care, or that George Bush has been impeached, CNN is reporting “BABY THROWN OFF BRIDGE, HIT BY CARS” I didn’t click it to read all the gory details that they surely included, but I didn’t have to.

On some level, I don’t like that CNN even reports on such a thing, but I guess you can’t ignore the truth. But more importantly, WHAT THE FUCK?!?! Just a week or two ago, some guy threw like 3 little kids/babies off some bridge, and now this sick motherfucker. There is no punishment that could possibly accomplish what this person deserves. I read that shit and I just don’t even know what to think. I suppose I’m more sensitive to stories like this since I have a child of my own now, but it’s always hit me. This is just a sick, horrible world. How could a person possibly commit such a horrendous act? There’s really no point to this, and no proper conclusion. I’m just continually disgusted by everything, and as time goes by, it gets worse and worse. This planet needs to start over.

I’m 30. It’s total bullshit and I’m looking into reversing it, but for now I guess I’m 30. My body is outpacing my mind at an alarming rate. It really is pretty scary. At least I still have immaturity working for me.

As I was starting to get ready for work this morning, my boss sent me a text telling me to take the day off because there was some meeting scheduled in my room.

Happy Birthday messages arrived to me in this order today: Rosa, Graf, Vicky, Kate. I make sure to turn off those lame birthday announcements on things like myspace and facebook because they cheapen the experience of someone remembering or at least having the good sense to use iCal. So for everyone that forgot… fuck your momma. =)

Oh yeah, I added a Last.fm widget to my sidebar. In case you live under a rock, it’s a pretty cool site that combines music with a social networking aspect. You should join.

Aside from an incredible pain in my chest that has been building for a week or so now, this is pretty much what I’ve been up to.

Also, fuckface Dave has caused me to cancel the last DDC show that was booked. So into hibernation we go to make new jams (with no acoustic drums).

My New Years Eve was awesome. I sat in the house, and fell asleep around 11:30 PM. I woke up around 12:30 or so, replied to a couple of texts, and went back to sleep. Such is the party that is my life.

Meanwhile, Darwin made me cry the other day. He’s still dealing with this fucking ear infection, which means I am still dealing with it too. He’s generally ok about taking medicine, but the stuff he has now just does not go down without a fight. I was holding him and trying to give it to him, and he was just crying so hard and fighting it, that I really felt like I was torturing him. It just got to me. It was extra strange for me since I have some kind of issue with crying… meaning, I don’t do it. I don’t know why, or exactly when it stopped happening, but I just don’t. Until this, anyway.

Oh yeah, in other Darwin news, he’s recently discovered that touching his weener is something he wants to do as often as possible. That’s my boy!