Autumn is here

autumn 2007

Summer held on a bit longer than usual this year, but Autumn has finally arrived. Since there are so few things in life that can be depended upon, I often look to the change of seasons to be my rock. For as long as I can remember, Fall has been my favorite time of year. Hell, it’s the only season with two names, so you know it has to be cool.

I try not to spend too much of my time being nostalgic, since it’s a pretty useless function, but this time of year tends to make me feel that way. Whenever I’m alone during this time of year, I feel young. I find myself wearing the same pair of beat-to-hell Vans that I’ve worn since 9th grade, ratty jeans, comfortable sweaters. And the music. Oh man, the music. Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, Fumbling Towards Ecstasy… it’s all quite amazing. These songs paint a whole new picture this time of year. I don’t walk around Ridley as much as I did back in the early to mid nineties, but as soon as I see the leaves hit the ground I am right back in that time and place. The smell of the air hasn’t changed. The crunch underfoot. It puts me right back in the Brode’s breakfast nook, listening to “State of Love and Trust”, “Release” and the acoustic version of “Like Suicide”. There’s a certain romantic feeling about life that only rears its head for a short while every year. It just gets me all Taoist and stuff.

Autumn is usually a time of slowing down, reflecting, and letting the year begin its slow death. This year however, is unlike any other. Thanks to Darwin, every day is a new beginning. Firsts loom around every corner. I hate mornings. It pains me to wake up early, which I need to do every day now. I’m just cranky, annoyed, and my body aches. Darwin on the other hand, loves the morning. He usually sleeps through the night now, and when his mother wakes him up, he has a few seconds of surprise or confusion on his face, and then a huge smile. He laughs, at absolutely nothing. He’s just awake, alive, and laughing. He makes his way to the bed while I’m still deep in the midst of my morning saltiness, and like no medicine on Earth, he cures it. I see his funny little face, and his awkward movements, and I’m just not worried about my back pain anymore. He amazes me every single day. He’s growing strong and determined, and I feel like we’ll be reaching some important milestones sooner than later. I love him.

I wish I were living in the city.

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