Fuck. I spend so much time trying to sugar coat things, especially to myself. I say a bunch of shit like “Things are going well”, “It could be worse”, all of that phony optimistic nonsense. In reality, my life is a complete mess. I’m trying so hard to keep my head above water, but it gets harder and harder each day. A lot of people assume that this should be an overwhelmingly happy time in a persons life, and I wish so badly that it was. When you are surrounded by so much negativity on a constant basis, it just becomes impossible to avoid being sucked in. I’ve been so confused lately, and all of my emotions seem to exist only at the extreme ends of the spectrum while my behavior (generally) resides right in the middle. I don’t cry, I don’t yell, I don’t break shit. I do my best to stay calm, hoping that logic and reason will be my friend. It’s hopeless. I am officially drowning, and they aren’t even my tears.

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