I took a meaningful step today, and shaved my head.

The band played on Friday night. The week leading up to it was full of tension and drama, but lacked all the classically attractive Hitchcockian actors. For a short while it looked like the show wasn’t going to happen at all because for a few moments there we didn’t have enough band members. Surely enough, everyone seemed anxious to play this show (despite what a certain female said to me in her email).

We got through the set with no major incidents to speak of. It was the first time DDC has ever played a cover song. We did “Midlife Crisis” by Faith No More, and it was a good reminder of why we don’t play cover songs. Aside from that, the set got good reviews, but without a video of it I can only guess. We also played “Honey”, which is generally considered to be the most requested song in the DDC catalog. It’s also one of the least played, since this is only the second time we’ve ever done it. The first time was with Kevin on vocals, Drew Voluck on guitar, and no one at all on drums. This time we had it on full blast, and hopefully Erics vocals did it justice. Personally, I think it went just fine, and I was glad to play the song after so long. Despite a moment or two of some technical difficulties, my keyboard lived through the show. It did take on quite a bit of water, but as of the last note I tried to play, it was working.

I have no clue what the future holds for DDC, or almost any other aspect of my life for that matter. But no matter what, the seasons will change. And if you don’t have this album you’re a loser.

On my iChat buddy list, I have a person listed as “Leigh (art snob)”. It’s been listed that way for as long as I can remember, and I’m not sure what first gave me that impression, but ohhh damn did she ever solidify that shit. Here’s the bulk of our conversation from the other day:

Joseph: Where can I (or anyone) see your work, and purchase it if I like?
Leigh: haha it isn’t for sale… i don’t DO art just to sell it… I do conceptual art, I don’t do stuff that belongs on a wall in a bar…
Joseph: Where does it belong?
Leigh: in shows, on display… I don’t take pleasure out of pawning my work off
Joseph: I don’t take pleasure in hoarding my own work to stare at. I make what I make for all the reasons that inspire that particular piece. Someone out there connects with it when they see it on a wall in a show, in a bar, in a doctors office, pasted on a building, or on the web… and if they want to pay me to own it, great. Part of my whole… whatever it is that makes someone an artist, has to do with the idea that “art” is supposed to be bigger than the sterile limited view of it that says “art belongs on a white wall in a gallery, and you have to be nice to the right person to get a show in a gallery”. I just don’t buy that. I know some of those fancy pants artists that show their stuff in galleries in old city, and other cities… and they are apparently not reaching half the audience I am because they still own all thier own shit. Its really easy to say “Oh thats nice, I like it”. But its something else to say “I like that SO fucking much that I am willing to reach into my wallet and pay you a bunch of my hard earned money so I can own it”.
Leigh: it all depends on who you are catering to
Joseph: Thats just it, I dont cater to anyone. Every piece is made 100% on my terms.
Leigh: I cater to an audience that understand a piece of work, people that can read it and see if for more than surface value. not just people who like the look of it or the shape that is made
Joseph: It’s impossible to say what certain people see or dont see in my work, or yours, or anyones.
Leigh: ok
Joseph: Shit, maybe they see something in my work that I dont even see. I’ve heard tons of people get all crazy about some famous “deep” work of art… and I would rather hang up a random page of the newspaper than that thing.
Leigh: ok
Joseph: But how can you cater to that deep audience, if they cant see your art anywhere?
Leigh: haha they see it in art shows….honest to god juried are shows… you know, the things that you put on your resume
Joseph: You have shows? Where? When? I would love to see.
Leigh: I’m not anywhere close in my art career to be pimping myself out for a solo show, because I still have alot to learn…. people jump into that too prematurely because someone offeres then a space in their closet
Joseph: See, I think your deal is that you have been overly impressed with the gallery scene. And that happens to people pretty easily I wuold guess. But really, thats like saying people can only fall in love in a park by a stream in Paris. It’s bullshit. Real life and real art are so much deeper and more varied than that.
Leigh: yeah… and people think Thomas Kincaide is a really great painter. NOT the crowd I cater to
Joseph: Some people think that, and some people think the same things that you think. Some people cry at the site of the Pieta, and some people would rather own a screenprint from Shepard Fairey.
Leigh: my mom buys thomas kincaide cause she thinks it is pretty… is that what you want? do you want to have stores around the world to hawk your work to housewives?
Joseph: There are 2 answers. Would I do work that I think “would sell in stores around the world”? No, absolutely not. But if I did the kind of work that I have in my heart and do naturally, and people around the world wanted to look at it and buy it… thats great. One is selling out, and one is good fortune.
Leigh: uh huh
Joseph: I mean, the most work I’ve ever sold at once was at my first show. Before that opening I had no experience or expectations as to who, if anyone, would like anything I did. So I surely couldnt have catered to them
Leigh: i told you we’d just disagreeeeeeee
Joseph: What is it you disagree with?
Leigh: for me, it is like… if in your heart of hearts you truely think your work challanges yourself… and you look at it and the journey was just as wonderful as the outcome… then bravo
Joseph: Well help me understand. What would the other option be… that I don’t enjoy the journey and I make what I think will sell?
Leigh: do what it is your heart… thats all I’m saying…
Joseph: Sure. I just can’t imagine what else it could be. I’m not exactly workin at the button factory here.
Leigh: if you think you are challanging youself my drawing heart shapes on linoleum, then so be it- keep making your art!
Joseph: Expressing is surely not the same thing as challenging. If I want something to be difficult, I’ll do math, since I suck at math. To me, the process is often as important as the image. Stroll through one of those shiny white museums that you love and you’ll see tons of work from people that agree with that. Do I run into difficulties and challenges while working sometimes? Of course, but that isn’t my goal. Life is the hard part, art is just for expressing it. I would love to watch you reproduce some of my work with the tools I used to do it. I wonder if you’d have the same opinion of it afterwards.
Leigh: hey, i wasn’t knocking it… I’m just saying it that is what makes you keep going…then do it
Joseph: Well, what you said was “drawing heart shapes on linoleum”. Which surely is not very representative of what I do or what I’m about. You do photography right? So its the same as saying, “So you push one button with your finger, wow”. Really now.
Leigh: Wait, timeout! FYI overnightprints.com makes decent cheap business cards… I just ordered from them
Joseph: I handprint my own.
Leigh: and then you give them out for free like club flyers
Joseph: You charge for someone to take your card?
Leigh: you are giving out art for free, and then you are selling a dollar bill for 50 dollars MR KINCAIDE!
Joseph: Is it a dollar bill?
Leigh: what is the difference between screening a dollar bill and selling it for 50 dollars or screening hand done business cards and giving them out for free>
Joseph: Roughly $50.
Leigh: haha
Joseph: if one of the “masters” bought some paint for $15 and painted a breathtaking image of something amazing, is he wrong to sell it for more than the $15 that it cost him?
Leigh: haha. a) are you a master b) the dollar bill piece isn’t breathtaking and didn’t/shouldn’t taken for than a hour to make
Joseph: a) Yes. I am the very best in the world at making Joseph Rose’s art. b) In your opinion it isn’t. And I surely hope that you don’t think the importance of art is relative to the time it took to capture the image. Otherwise photos are bottom of the barrel. Thats a split second.
Leigh: there is an extream difference between a photographer and a painter/printmaker
Joseph: Indeed.
Leigh: yeah- so you can’t compare them. it isn’t sound
Joseph: I’m not comparing the processes, but the idea of “how long did it take?” is universal and applies to all art. And it is equally silly for all of them.
Leigh: no it doesn’t. because it is like apples and oranges, you can’t compare it
Joseph: Time and art are apple and oranges. I’ve never met a printmaker or artist of any kind who judged their abilities by hours spent on a piece. What if I just suck and move really slow, does that make the piece more worthwhile because it took longer? That’s silly.
Leigh: it is quality we are talking about
Joseph: And quality has no connection to time, and is always relative. If you ever get lucky enough to have your work shown to large numbers of people, it will be only a matter of time before someone comes up to you with a tale of how one of your pieces touched them, or means something to them or something like that. At that very same moment, someone, somewhere, will think you’re a hack. Guaranteed. It’s all relative.
Leigh: I hate you.

She totally doesn’t.

And here’s a really nice new record you should get:

It’s as though some people have concrete for brains, and just don’t get the fucking message. As if it hasn’t been discussed and agreed upon on 900 occasions, no one in Dark Disco Club is to be driving their fucking girlfriends with us to our job. IT IS NOT A FUCKING DATE. Tonight, both Eric and Tom decided that they needed to pack up their better halves, take them to our gig, and then sneak them in the fucking back door so they don’t have to pay and support the venue, bands, etc.

Once everyone is in the venue, these chicks feel the need to bond with one another in random acts of embarrassing, childish nonsense in order to quench their endless thirst for attention. I could pick a few examples, but the grossest one by far would have to be the two of them (who just met tonight) grabbing and making out with each other right in the middle of the place for everyone to see. I honestly felt the urge to grab them and vomit in their fucked up faces. It’s lame on so many levels, including the fact that Michelle is engaged to Eric. Glad to see the relationship is being taken so seriously. As the night went on Michelle made sure to do plenty of other annoying things just like everytime we see her at one of our shows or even a party at someone’s house. She needs to touch people, grab them, and just talk endless amounts of retarded bullshit.

Shortly after our set, Tom comes over and says “Ok guys, I’ll see ya Tuesday”. This was weird/wrong/fucked up because not only would Tom never want to leave early like that, but the last band hadn’t even played yet, and we hadn’t been paid yet. Also, the last band happens to be a friend of ours who has come out to see us many times, and dissing him like that is plain old disrespectful and shitty. I knew something was wrong, and I knew damn well where the source of it would be. I immediately turned to his girlfriend (who has named herself KITTY) and asked her “Why is Tom leaving?”. Without hesitation she replied “Because I have work at 9 AM!!”. Wow. Anthony and I were both floored. The bitch owns her own car! It was sitting right in front of Toms house when she was allowed to get into his car instead. HER fucking work schedule has nothing at all to do with OUR work schedule which ends when we get paid at the end of the night.

And just as a side note… at one point tonight when the two witches were standing next to one another I made a comment about them being the same height. Tom leaned over to me and said “yeah but we all know that I have the better looking one”. Well, after some consulting, we all disagree.

The next time one of these dudes pull this shit, it will be the last show they play in DDC.

I’ve had tons of things on my mind lately, lack of money being number one as usual. I’ve been working a few odd jobs to help with that, and trust me, freelance graphic design projects definitely fit into the “odd job” category.

Today, one other thing that’s been on my mind mixed with a discussion I’ve had in the past with members of my band. That discussion was based on my idea that people (my band in this case) should do things to cause instability and unpredictability in their own lives, in order to give birth to a genuine sense of urgency, creativity, and motivation. Think about it, how is an average guy with an average face living in an average place with an average girl doing average things every day going to write an interesting song with any real passion? In my experience, it doesn’t happen. Anyway, I’m going astray here.

The point is, I feel like my own life may need an additional kick in the ass to help inject that new sense of urgency. I may be in a position to do that, while taking some major steps in my life that are already a bit overdue. It’s scary as hell, but I guess growing up always is.

I’m having problems. As hard is it is to believe for a person like me, I’m having trouble finding my voice. Generally speaking, I’ve never been a very prolific artist. I’d like to gain some control over my output and become more consistent, but like I said, I’m feeling a little lost.

A look through my portfolio shows that much of my stuff seems pretty random, for lack of a better word. And while in my mind it really isn’t as random as it may look, I’d like to somehow make the connections more obvious… more cohesive. Or do I? Shit, I don’t even know. I have a lot of ideas and feelings that I need to sort out, and I have questions that I need to answer for myself. A large part of this will require that I just spend more time putting pen/pencil/brush/gocco to paper and working it out. There are other elements that I’d love to see fall into place, but that’s the one I can control.

And before I forget, let me state that I really miss hanging out with Rebecca. She’s way busy I guess, and much of that probably involves the fact that she has a steady man in her life now. I’m totally happy for her, but like I said, I miss being able to hang out and bond as friends as well as trying to absorb some much needed knowledge and perspective from her. I don’t have many (any?) other “artist” friends, and surely none that I hold in such high regard. The seasons will change soon, so maybe her schedule will too.

What else? Oh yeah, this weekend was the Pennsylvania Dutch Festival at Reading Terminal Market. I don’t know why, but these PA Dutch people make the best food. Normally a doughnut or some peach jam isn’t something to get all excited about, but when these folks come to town, look out! I pigged out like the fat guy I am becoming.

In closing: Banksy is cool, Rebecca is missing, my band sucks, and it’s really nice outside so that’s where I’m going.

As if the endless back pain that I’ve had for almost 2 years now wasn’t enough, the last two days have been filled with a new flavor of intense pain in my right shoulder. When I try to raise the arm, I can feel (and hear) a click, like a gear being forced to turn when the cogs aren’t properly aligned. When I’m not moving it at all, it just feel like it’s being pulled down, as if I was carrying a 100 pound suitcase aaalllll day long.

I can’t pinpoint the moment or exact cause of the injury, but I’m 99% sure it happened while I was on stage at The Silo in Reading on Tuesday night. It’s well known in some circles that my onstage antics are inspired not only by my unbridled passion for music, but also the fact that it’s my job to divert as much attention as possible from our lead singer, Eric. The majority of the reviews I get of his performances are things like “he’s boring”, “he has the personality of a dead tree stump”, and “he lacks passion”. And as sad as it is, I would accept that stuff freely if his voice were where it should be, but as we’ve already covered, it isn’t. I’m very open and honest about my weaknesses when it comes to creating and performing music, but the one thing no one can say is that I lack passion.

Fuck man, he is the lead singer… the FRONT MAN! HE should be the one sweating in the faces of those kids that were pushed up against the stage. HE should be the one rocking so hard that body parts become dislodged. HE should be the one all the kids flock to to sign autographs. When I asked him why it was me doing all of this instead of him, this was his answer: “You’re the most outgoing, you have a mohawk, and you play an Oxy8.” Now let’s break this down, shall we?

1. “You’re the most outgoing” - He is the lead singer. How the fuck do you sign up for a job that requires you to stand up on a stage, have lights aimed at you, and hold a microphone to amplify your voice if you don’t think you are “outgoing”?
2. “You have a mohawk” - Yeah, this week I have a mohawk. I’ve also played shows with a bald head, short hair, spiky hair, long hair, and every other retarded haircut you can imagine. It’s never mattered one bit to the crowd and I have a feeling that giving him a mohawk wouldn’t exactly give the added burst of personality that we’re talking about. It was the second lamest excuse I’ve ever heard. Second only to…
3. “You play an Oxy8″ - Wow. He seriously just said that people react to me instead of the front man because of the brand of midi controller that I use! Am I wrong to think that is easily the most retarded idea ever? How many kids in the crowd even know what an Oxygen 8 midi controller is? I’m thinking like, 1%.

We exchanged 900 other emails about all the current bullshit going on surrounding him and his current issues. I told him that we want/need him to see a vocal coach, but he doesn’t seem that interested. Soon it will become strictly “need” him to see a vocal coach unless we all notice some drastic improvement. At the same time, I wonder if it matters at all. This phase/band seems to be coming to its natural end anyway. Our drummer Josh is leaving after October, so I think his last planned show with us will be at the Trocadero on October 28. We’ve had pretty much no luck finding a suitable replacement, so once he goes, the band will be forced to cease live performance. That would leave the option of recording, but fuuuuuck that! I refuse to record another album with this version of the band because as I proved with this one, it’s a waste. It’s a waste because the album is dead in the water, because we can’t tour. And when I say “we can’t tour”, what I mean is everyone but me lacks the dedication it takes so set other things aside and go balls-out to get what you really want. I’ve never been a lucky guy, and when it came to the bandmate lottery, I lost.

For as long as I’ve owned my scooter, I have parked it on the sidewalk. At my house, the store, movie theaters, whatever. It’s almost always parked on the sidewlak. Hell, one of the selling points for me was the fact that I can easily park it anywhere in this busy city. It’s a beautiful thing, really.

Well, when I moved across Broad Street into Fancypantsville, I ran into some trouble. I ended up with three parking tickets on the bike, all for parking on the sidewalk. After getting them I made it a point to stop and ask every Parking Authority worker that I saw if it was ok for a scooter to be parked like that. Each and every one of them said it was fine, and that they would never issue a ticket for that. Right on. So I wrote in and said that I wanted to have a hearing and dispute the tickets.

Monday was the hearing date. I was in and out of that place in like ten minutes and all three tickets had been dismissed. YEAH! The Parking Authority is my bitch.