GetHurt

I’ve been making a new album

It took a long time to actually get on a focused path for this new album. The future of DDC was pretty uncertain after the Human Condition version of the band ended. I wanted some new challenges, but I also wasn’t feeling overly confident. Eventually, I got collaborating with some folks (Anthony Orsino, John Bozzuto, Tom Roller) and the new music started to take shape.

Aside from the staggered start to the making of the album, the biggest issue was the decision to do all the vocals myself. There were a few potential singers in the mix, but none really hit the spot. It was just time to step up and take a shot at using my own voice to convey my ideas for what Dark Disco Club is right now. That also meant I was responsible for all of the lyrics as well. Yikes!

Now that the new album (EP, whatever) is about 96% complete, I can start to get an idea of what we’ve created. And it is surely something I’m proud of. Until an album is complete; mixed, mastered, packaged, etc. you can’t really get the full picture. But it’s moving along well and should be in peoples ears on schedule.

The inspiration for this album came from real life, as usual. I’m not the kind of person that writes elaborate fictional stories or invents characters to populate my songs. I’m also not a person that gets inspired to write much about happiness, joy, or anything positive really. Now, this album does have a bit of… I dunno, cautious optimism, maybe. For example, the song “One Blood” is about a true love and finding a real bond that lasts (hopefully) forever. And while it’s lyrical content is pretty sparse, “Sonrise and the Fall of Man” is just about noticing that one speck of positivity in the midst of a whole world of shit. The other songs touch on sex, hatred, regret, and placing blame for all kinds of good stuff.

Musically, it actually sounds like what I wanted The End to sound like. It’s more “live” and hard rocking than The Human Condition was, but way more diverse and interesting than The End. I’m sure I’ll write more about it when the time gets closer.

Fatherhood: month 22

A few weeks ago, I was at the playground with Darwin, pushing him on a swing. He was smiling, giggling occasionally. We were having a nice relaxing day together. For whatever reason, it dawned on me that such a thing had never been shared between my father and I. I get really emotional when I slow down and notice all of the little things that he and I do together. Like holding hands and walking, carrying him on my shoulders, playing with a ball, feeding him lunch, listening to music together, laying him down to sleep, kissing him, and just about everything.

Just the other day, while at another little playground with him, I was going over some DDC lyrics in my mind to try to memorize them since we’re now gearing up to perform live. This was the weirdest thing… just a moment after playing back a line that says “and if you should ever fall, you know I’m right behind you”, Darwin fell. Mind you, this is a song written about him. He was climbing some relatively big stairs to get up to a slide, and slipped or took a wrong step. In a split second, he fell backwards and twisted slightly toward the edge of the stairs, essentially aiming him off the side, and down to what would surely have been an ugly incident. But, I was right behind him. I caught him and propped him right back up and he was none the wiser. He went right back to business and went down the slide, smiling all the way. Something my father never did for me.

As these months fly by, I find myself thinking about it more and more. Just watching us in slow motion and trying to enjoy it all while I can. Even on the rough days when he’s being extra difficult, I lay down at night, and he is on my mind. I see that funny face, and hear his silly babbles. I miss him when he’s not with me. He’s inspired artwork, songs, been the subject of an unreasonable amount of photos and videos, and this is just the first 22 months! It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced.

Despite the fact that 99.9999% of my life is one one big regrettable disaster, I can honestly say that I know what true love feels like.

ALBUM OF THE WEEK: 21st Century Breakdown

The following statements are true:
21st Century Breakdown is a great album.
21st Century Breakdown is a shitty album.

In creating the follow-up to American Idiot, Green Day made the respectably ambitious choice to go really big. They created another full-blown rock opera that follows a young couple named Christian and Gloria through life in the United States following the presidency of George W. Bush, as they “deal with the mess our 43rd president left behind”. All good.

The good news is that there are a ton of extremely well-written songs here. And really, that’s what the core of any great album has to be. You get plenty of the up-beat rock that Green Day does so well, along with a good mix of epic rockers that would make Queen proud, and some very well executed ballads. If there’s any weakness in the songwriting this time around, it would be some vague lyrics. I think Billie Joe went a little too universal in order to help with the whole grandiose vibe. An issue, but not the end of the world.

Now the bad news. They chose Butch Vig to produce the album. Despite his work on some classic albums from Helmet, AFI, and L7, this turned out to be a horrible choice. Without question, the production killed what this album could have been. It sounds generic and lifeless. Tre’s drums could be a drum machine set to the default rock kit for all I know, and Billie Joe’s voice is just all too sweet and layered. There’s no grit. There’s no humanity. You can’t actually hear any of the playing, if that makes sense. You just hear this too-well-balanced end result. There’s nothing worse than an album being ruined by something that isn’t the music. Ugh.

doom, ad infinitum

I lost my job. I kinda sorta lost it before when my boss ran out of money, but now it’s really lost. And it could not have happened at a worse time. After that whole moving twice in a row bullshit, I have way less money in my bank account. And in a month (if that), I will have no money whatsoever in my bank account. My bills have piled up, I got royally fucked on my taxes, and now I have no income.

Seriously, I hate my life. I tried so hard to do well. I always wanted to do better than my “family” had done. I was the first to go to college, and sure, it was a shitty college that ended up fucking me in the end, but it was a huge challenge for me, and I got through it. I had grand plans of graduate school, good job, be good to my son, etc. All of it torn down brick by brick. I’m left with no job, a shitty car, and an apartment that I will probably be evicted from for lack of payment. I want so badly to just find stability in a job that pays me enough to get by semi-comfortably. At this point, my dream job pays me $400-$500 per week and let’s me spend my days with Darwin up until 4 PM or so. Everyone’s advice eventually comes down to suggesting that I just take a shitty job “for now”, as if there’s ever a way to dig out of that grave once you’re in it. Sure, I guess i could try to go beg some fast food restaurants for a job, and maybe I’ll have to do just that. But I am not exaggerating one bit when I tell you that I would rather have my face blown off by a shotgun than have that job. I do not want to flip a burger. I do not want to take your order, call your phone, clean up your mess, or stack any fucking boxes.

Life is meant to be lived, and I don’t feel very alive these days. Darwin means everything to me, but all I can think about is how I’m on track to be the huge disappointment that I never wanted to be. I walk through stores, even the supermarket, and see simple things that I want to get for him. And I just can’t get them. Not extravagant things mind you. I’m talking food, clothes, blocks, a book, a puzzle. I am constantly forced to think about money and how I have none, and how I can’t find a job. I was very confident that I was getting that other Digital Music Teacher position that I applied for, but in the end it was given to someone with a doctorate in music education.

I could go on and on, bitching about everything, because trust me there is plenty of bad shit to talk about. It all adds up to the fact that I hate my fucked up life and I really just wish it would end. Emo? Goth? Maybe. But truer than anything I’ve ever said.

Am I the classic villain, or the dark hero?

THE DARK HERO
The dark heroes are perhaps the toughest of the heroes to write and base a story around, as they become so dark they may turn their audiences and have them rooting for the villain. These heroes are usually driven by some kind of tragedy or traumatic event in their life that turns them against the laws of society and, in some rare cases, nature. Dark heroes do not break the rules like the swashbuckler but simply disregards them to get the job done. The best-suited example would be the millionaire Bruce Wayne. He witnesses the death of his parents , falls into a cave while disturbing a family of bats and become the well-known Batman who illegally punishes lawbreakers in his own unique way. Another character who easily falls into this category is Paul Atreides in Frank Herbert’s Dune. Driven to the deep deserts of Arrakis after a bloody coup led by House Harkonnen, Paul becomes “Muad’Dib.” In the beginning, he is nothing more than a revolutionary, but as the story unfolds so does Paul’s evolution into a messiah. While he does use his powers to liberate Arrakis, Paul also uses his newfound abilities to hold the universe for ransom.

THE CLASSIC VILLAIN
This type of villain embodies all of our fears and insecurities – the Supreme Evil. These villains are the sociopaths or psychopaths of fiction. They act with a purpose (their own purpose), and care little about who or what is in the way of their goals. They are different from the scoundrel and swashbucklers who disregard the rules of society for fun. The classic villains break the rules because they believe the rules are a hindrance – this is something that makes the line between the Dark Hero and the Classic Villain a very thin one indeed. The only difference is that in the end the Dark Hero ultimately still works for the good side as viewed from the general perspective. The Classic Villain works for himself and his/her definition of good (usually what’s good for them).

Lately I’ve been feeling more and more like a villain. And I don’t know that I’m really trying to stop that. I genuinely feel like the world has taken a sharp turn against me. So fuck it.